Have you ever had that overwhelming feeling of mom guilt? You left them with a sitter for date night and were having fun without them. They fell off of a swing set while you were pushing them. You work full time and can’t be with them every waking moment.
Well, I have and it’s manifested in many different ways. But I’ve learned a few things along the way, 8 months of the way. I know I still have a whole lot to learn, but I want to share my thoughts.
Mom Guilt Takes Over
A couple days ago my baby fell off the couch. And I’m still sad about it.
When I tell you my heart completely dropped. The feeling of being a horrible mom immediately came over me. I literally walked away for a minute and I heard a thud! We went running, me in the lead and my husband following. Eden was screaming and crying so loud.
I picked her up thinking she would normally stop like she usually does. But I think she had so many emotions, mama’s touch wasn’t doing it for her. The tears started rolling down my face. I felt horrible! My husband tried to console me while taking lil mama out of my arms so I could calm down. It was a stressful event.
A Reminder: We’re All Human
When Eden was 2 months old, my husband, mom and I went out to dinner. Feeling cooped up after having her, I appreciated being urged to get outside for a breath of fresh air. After dinner, we walked back to the car. I had to change Eden’s diaper. As I finished cleaning and settled her in the car, my mom wanted to take a picture of us. As I was getting out of the car, with her in my arms, I didn’t notice the diaper bag strap sticking out. The strap snagged my foot, sending me tumbling face-first out of the car. My instinct was to fall on my elbows so that my weight didn’t fall on her.
As soon as I hit the ground, I started crying. I couldn’t believe I wasn’t paying attention. So many thoughts went through my head. Why didn’t I hand her to my mom first before getting out of the car? Why didn’t I notice the strap ahead of time? I didn’t take into account that my daughter was fine, and my motherly instinct kicked in to protect her. She was completely fine and didn’t even have a scratch. And we still took the picture lol.
All the Feels
In those moments, I felt guilty. I couldn’t even think about all the great things I do as a mom, only the things I feel are the worst. The constant “What ifs” and “Whys” flooded my mind. I was unable to think of anything else.
This isn’t the first, or even second, time I’ve cried because of something happening to my daughter. In fact, I cry quite often. If she’s overstimulated and I don’t know how to console her, I cry. If I accidentally scratch her with my nail or ring, I cry.
Mom guilt is a thing, but it doesn’t have to be YOUR thing. We can’t have mom guilt for things we cannot control, but we also need to give ourselves grace when we need a break. As our children get older, more and more things may happen to them. And then they will start to make their own decisions and become adults and you won’t get all the time with them. If we give in to mom guilt and the feeling of being a horrible mom because of things we can’t control when they’re young, we will carry those feelings with us into their adult years.
One of my goals moving forward is to take note of the things I did great during those instances, to continue telling myself “Yes that thing happened, but what did I do good in that moment”. I need to be intentional about noticing the amazing things I’ve done as a parent, in the times I feel I’ve messed up and in the times I don’t.
